Yep, I'm serious. It's real this time. I, yes me, am thinking about becoming Mormon. I have a supercalifragilisticexpialidocious awesome "best friend" named Kami who is Mormon and she is connecting me to my spiritual connection with our Maker. The Big Man upstairs, the Cream of the crop, the Hoodini, the Lord, the Savior of all Souls... Yes, Him. I'm not talking about Babe Ruth here, I'm talking about our Heavenly Father also known as God.
Now, He and I go back a ways. From what I have heard, quite some time ago I decided to be one of His warriors and come to this world and know that one day I will be back with Him again in heaven, where I belong by his side. I didn't choose to go to hell, that right there is my first thought that in my soul, I'm not all bad. Now, I am not an angel, I know this for sure. I'm no where near that, but to some people, I may as well be. I have done a lot in my little lifetime and I have spread much needed joy to many people. I'm a wonderful friend to many, I have a beautiful heart and I would give anyone anything that they needed at any time.
So, I'm going to find God again. I'm going to find Him though. One way or another, it's going to come back to me and I will feel the same happiness and warmth in my heart that I had at one point and time in my life when He was by my side. This is an exciting road and one that I hope will stay open for many many years to come.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Friday, October 24, 2008
Cussing idiots...
You know those guys... the ones that are on the phone, about 500 miles away and they just talk to you like you are the idiot. The ones that feel it's necessary to use foul language to get their point across and call you every name under the book, over the book and in between the pages. Yes, those guys.
It just makes me wonder if they think they are really going to get their way with me by telling me what a effing b I am because they feel that the rules/laws/regulations should not apply to their greedy butts. Do you honestly believe that I am going to listen to them and their asinine shouting and say, you are right, cuss at me some more, momma likes it. Tell me how unfair the rules are and how much you hate me.... That's right because I am listening and I am going to change all that irritates you in this world with a click of the "easy" button. Hold on, let me find that easy button.... click... Ohhhhhhh, yes that's right, that's the sound of the "I just hung the hell up on you"
Do you think you are going to get far in life by treating people so disrespectfully? No you are not. Do you really think that I am going to go out of my way for you from that point that you cross the line and use nasty language with me? No. Now, I want to make this perfectly clear, I'm no angel. In fact, far far from it. I have a mouth like a sailor, but I never call anyone those names while I am arguing with them because it's impolite. My momma raised me better than that. She also raised me better than to live with condescending emotionally abusive jack asses, but that's a separate story... for another time.
It just makes me wonder if they think they are really going to get their way with me by telling me what a effing b I am because they feel that the rules/laws/regulations should not apply to their greedy butts. Do you honestly believe that I am going to listen to them and their asinine shouting and say, you are right, cuss at me some more, momma likes it. Tell me how unfair the rules are and how much you hate me.... That's right because I am listening and I am going to change all that irritates you in this world with a click of the "easy" button. Hold on, let me find that easy button.... click... Ohhhhhhh, yes that's right, that's the sound of the "I just hung the hell up on you"
Do you think you are going to get far in life by treating people so disrespectfully? No you are not. Do you really think that I am going to go out of my way for you from that point that you cross the line and use nasty language with me? No. Now, I want to make this perfectly clear, I'm no angel. In fact, far far from it. I have a mouth like a sailor, but I never call anyone those names while I am arguing with them because it's impolite. My momma raised me better than that. She also raised me better than to live with condescending emotionally abusive jack asses, but that's a separate story... for another time.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Mums....
I decided to show my mum my blog. She was upset that I didn't include more about her other than the one comment on my first blog. So here, I dedicate this entire blog to mum.
My mum is funny, smart and witty. Her likes include but are not limited to-
Having her hair brushed when she is tired, talking for long hours on end to her sister Nancy, having her feet massaged, Funny Cars, Church, Hummers, Volvos, Gold hoop earrings, wearing her pajamas, girly movies, CSI tv show, Dancing with the Stars, READING, new recipes, Cooking healthy foods especially seafood, swimming, spending time with the kids, some computer games, wine, traveling, camping, fishing, music favorites include- daughtry, journey, Michael Bolton and christian music. She likes Sandra Bullock, Beauty and the Beast, trying new restaurants, watching the home shopping network on Sunday mornings, Angel figurines, soft blankets, Sunglasses, the perfect purse that has pockets for everything but isn't overly large, wearing hats on bad hair days, getting her hair done with Kay (her super awesome hair designer), my brothers middle name Aaron, creative art, sitting outside and talking, listening to my awful jokes, teasing people, wearing her cross, the color red, the perfume red, Bath and Body works Fresh Cotton smell, her super awesome washing machine and dryer, Costco, saying the word Herb instead of pronouncing it as Erbs and she loves her animals.
She doesn't love working, but is there all the time so that she can provide for her family the things that she thinks they need, deserve or should have. She will put her needs off to the side to make sure that someone in the family is provided for first. She usually has the best advice and sometimes is able to say nothing at all for you to understand just exactly how much trouble you are in. She likes to burn my forehead and pulls a Mike Tyson when she puts jackets on children. She doesn't like black hair on blonde children and she likes to speed walk. She will buy funky boxers for boys and super awesome festive toe socks for girls during holidays. She talks with her husbands ex wife and is great friends with her. She cries every time she watches Extreme Home Makeover.
My mum is a great person and even though we may not see eye to eye on situations, I have always respected her for who she is and what she has done for me and my brothers. She is an inspiration to me and if anyone is aspiring to be a wonderful mom, her footsteps are the book of knowledge on that topic.
My mum is funny, smart and witty. Her likes include but are not limited to-
Having her hair brushed when she is tired, talking for long hours on end to her sister Nancy, having her feet massaged, Funny Cars, Church, Hummers, Volvos, Gold hoop earrings, wearing her pajamas, girly movies, CSI tv show, Dancing with the Stars, READING, new recipes, Cooking healthy foods especially seafood, swimming, spending time with the kids, some computer games, wine, traveling, camping, fishing, music favorites include- daughtry, journey, Michael Bolton and christian music. She likes Sandra Bullock, Beauty and the Beast, trying new restaurants, watching the home shopping network on Sunday mornings, Angel figurines, soft blankets, Sunglasses, the perfect purse that has pockets for everything but isn't overly large, wearing hats on bad hair days, getting her hair done with Kay (her super awesome hair designer), my brothers middle name Aaron, creative art, sitting outside and talking, listening to my awful jokes, teasing people, wearing her cross, the color red, the perfume red, Bath and Body works Fresh Cotton smell, her super awesome washing machine and dryer, Costco, saying the word Herb instead of pronouncing it as Erbs and she loves her animals.
She doesn't love working, but is there all the time so that she can provide for her family the things that she thinks they need, deserve or should have. She will put her needs off to the side to make sure that someone in the family is provided for first. She usually has the best advice and sometimes is able to say nothing at all for you to understand just exactly how much trouble you are in. She likes to burn my forehead and pulls a Mike Tyson when she puts jackets on children. She doesn't like black hair on blonde children and she likes to speed walk. She will buy funky boxers for boys and super awesome festive toe socks for girls during holidays. She talks with her husbands ex wife and is great friends with her. She cries every time she watches Extreme Home Makeover.
My mum is a great person and even though we may not see eye to eye on situations, I have always respected her for who she is and what she has done for me and my brothers. She is an inspiration to me and if anyone is aspiring to be a wonderful mom, her footsteps are the book of knowledge on that topic.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
The last day....
Emergency flights, red eyes to Dallas from Vegas, last minute phone calls, choked up voices, whispers in a hospital room, monitor noises that seem to send excruciating pain with every beep that is actually almost silent and the everlasting memory of this day imprinted to your memory. Today, yes this very day, is most likely her last day.
My grandmother is my step dad's mother. She has been a part of my life since I was 5. She lived with us for quite some time when I was younger and helped raise my younger brother. She is a fiesty Mexican woman that speaks excellent English, however as she is talking to you she throws in Spanish words to compensate for the words she isn't familiar with. She is a little over 4 feet and weighs about 70 pounds. She will spend all day in the kitchen cooking hot and spicy food and has home remedies for practically any illness that strikes at you. She follows the words of God and is up at the crack of daylight to pray. She takes several naps a day and schedules her days around soap oprahs. She will mumble at the TV in Spanish when someone cheats on their spouse and shakes her head and says a little prayer for them. This woman is my grandmother and today is her last day.
When it comes to death, I am not too sure how to handle it. Especially since she is the last grandparent I have left. I sit here mixed with emotions. It also brings me back to the conclusion that we always wait until the last minute to truly appreciate someone for who they are to us. I have found myself thinking that I always wait until it's too late. I never fully appreciate what I have until it's not there anymore and then I dwell on it for so long.
I wonder though, when it's your final day on this world, what do you think, what smells seem to take over your nose, what colors seem brighter, what sights make your eyes swell with tears of happiness, what emotions take you over the most? When you close your eyes, is it the family and friends that are standing around you that go through your final thoughts, is it of the loved ones that you yourself have previously lost, or is it of the loved ones in your previous years that aren't physically there to be with you?
I want to remember the good people in my life and the times that were spent with them. I just pray that my grandmother knows that I love her and that she herself has made an impact on this world and on me.
My grandmother is my step dad's mother. She has been a part of my life since I was 5. She lived with us for quite some time when I was younger and helped raise my younger brother. She is a fiesty Mexican woman that speaks excellent English, however as she is talking to you she throws in Spanish words to compensate for the words she isn't familiar with. She is a little over 4 feet and weighs about 70 pounds. She will spend all day in the kitchen cooking hot and spicy food and has home remedies for practically any illness that strikes at you. She follows the words of God and is up at the crack of daylight to pray. She takes several naps a day and schedules her days around soap oprahs. She will mumble at the TV in Spanish when someone cheats on their spouse and shakes her head and says a little prayer for them. This woman is my grandmother and today is her last day.
When it comes to death, I am not too sure how to handle it. Especially since she is the last grandparent I have left. I sit here mixed with emotions. It also brings me back to the conclusion that we always wait until the last minute to truly appreciate someone for who they are to us. I have found myself thinking that I always wait until it's too late. I never fully appreciate what I have until it's not there anymore and then I dwell on it for so long.
I wonder though, when it's your final day on this world, what do you think, what smells seem to take over your nose, what colors seem brighter, what sights make your eyes swell with tears of happiness, what emotions take you over the most? When you close your eyes, is it the family and friends that are standing around you that go through your final thoughts, is it of the loved ones that you yourself have previously lost, or is it of the loved ones in your previous years that aren't physically there to be with you?
I want to remember the good people in my life and the times that were spent with them. I just pray that my grandmother knows that I love her and that she herself has made an impact on this world and on me.
Monday, October 13, 2008
The greener side....
Broken spirit. I find myself contemplating several thoughts a day that always come to me. This seems to always come back to one final thought of, Am I doing what is right for my daughter and for myself? I sidetrack myself with several thoughts everyday, trying to keep myself busy and not dwelling so much on the problems that lie before me. Lets face it, the last 8 months have been a whirlwind of ache, depression and sometimes huge blows to my capabilities of being a mother. I tend to criticize myself to the point of exhaustion and then find it hard to have faith and belief that what I am doing is the right choice.
It's so easy to say that I can forgive someone for the things that they have put me through. Lets face it, love is not only a beautiful and warming experience, but it can also be cruel and leave you face down in puddle of fear. I find that i do forgive easily, I can't forget the things that have been said and done. On that same note though, I am also the one that tends to put bad memories into an airtight box and seal them away. I forget at times the trials and errors that have been placed on me, I tend not to deal with the situation and I, at the time, think that it makes it easier on me but in reality, we all know, it just makes it that much more difficult to deal with in the end. I'm slowly starting to learn who I am as a person or even as a mother at this point. I feel that as my duty as a mother, it is nothing but my job to protect her from everything, even if that everything may include her own family. This brings me back to my point of me being able to forgive someone for the things that they put me through, but as soon as that someone does something to my daughter, than I don't forgive and I don't at all forget. It's amazing the love and the strength that one finds in themselves when it comes to that love for a child.
I come to believe that it would be easy for me to just to look at everything and let bygones be bygones as they say. Just say yes, people make mistakes and I forgive you for everything and now we can move on with our separate lives. I think in my own way, I made an offer that clearly stated this, but I was hastily turned down, and why? Out of their own demise and anger towards me, for something that they did wrong, they shot down my offer and decided to make things even more painful, drawn out and publicly humiliating. Why in the world would you want to make a difficult situation even more difficult? This is where I come to the so called greener side. I see it both ways, should I just swallow everything that has happened and back out knowing that it would be easier on my daughter at this very moment? Should I continue to fight for everything that is going on and know that in the long run, she will be better off with what I think is best for her, have faith in myself that I do know what is best for her. How many more stab wounds can I let leave bleeding and be re opened one after another before I take a fall myself? All I want to know is if it really was that much greener on the other side, was it really worth it all? No. No it wasn't. On that aspect, after everything that I have been through and that I am currently going through I see where the other party stands and it makes me laugh. Here I am everyday getting a little stronger, wiser and much more passionate as I see the weakness pooring out of the other party. Of course there are days where I feel like there isn't much more that I can take. I will look into my daughters beautiful eyes and see nothing but innocence and thus makes me want to protect her from some of the harsh reality's of this world and that is when, the fight comes back into me. That's when I want to look them in the eye and say, you had something amazing and it wasn't until you ventured to the other side, burned your bridges along the way, that you realized what you had all along.
It's so easy to say that I can forgive someone for the things that they have put me through. Lets face it, love is not only a beautiful and warming experience, but it can also be cruel and leave you face down in puddle of fear. I find that i do forgive easily, I can't forget the things that have been said and done. On that same note though, I am also the one that tends to put bad memories into an airtight box and seal them away. I forget at times the trials and errors that have been placed on me, I tend not to deal with the situation and I, at the time, think that it makes it easier on me but in reality, we all know, it just makes it that much more difficult to deal with in the end. I'm slowly starting to learn who I am as a person or even as a mother at this point. I feel that as my duty as a mother, it is nothing but my job to protect her from everything, even if that everything may include her own family. This brings me back to my point of me being able to forgive someone for the things that they put me through, but as soon as that someone does something to my daughter, than I don't forgive and I don't at all forget. It's amazing the love and the strength that one finds in themselves when it comes to that love for a child.
I come to believe that it would be easy for me to just to look at everything and let bygones be bygones as they say. Just say yes, people make mistakes and I forgive you for everything and now we can move on with our separate lives. I think in my own way, I made an offer that clearly stated this, but I was hastily turned down, and why? Out of their own demise and anger towards me, for something that they did wrong, they shot down my offer and decided to make things even more painful, drawn out and publicly humiliating. Why in the world would you want to make a difficult situation even more difficult? This is where I come to the so called greener side. I see it both ways, should I just swallow everything that has happened and back out knowing that it would be easier on my daughter at this very moment? Should I continue to fight for everything that is going on and know that in the long run, she will be better off with what I think is best for her, have faith in myself that I do know what is best for her. How many more stab wounds can I let leave bleeding and be re opened one after another before I take a fall myself? All I want to know is if it really was that much greener on the other side, was it really worth it all? No. No it wasn't. On that aspect, after everything that I have been through and that I am currently going through I see where the other party stands and it makes me laugh. Here I am everyday getting a little stronger, wiser and much more passionate as I see the weakness pooring out of the other party. Of course there are days where I feel like there isn't much more that I can take. I will look into my daughters beautiful eyes and see nothing but innocence and thus makes me want to protect her from some of the harsh reality's of this world and that is when, the fight comes back into me. That's when I want to look them in the eye and say, you had something amazing and it wasn't until you ventured to the other side, burned your bridges along the way, that you realized what you had all along.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
The Cherry Pops
So, welcome to my first blog ever! I have never blogged before and this is quite exciting because I love to write. I did decide that my first blog should be the "about me" section as you would call it. I'm currently 24 years old and live in Las Vegas. That's about all I want to give up for now. I'm sure as the days progress and the blogging starts... I will have given up pretty much everything about me.
Little things about me are.... I love coffee. I honestly think that coffee should come in IV form. Just stick it in me, take out the drinking process. I also like energy drinks, mostly because I think they taste awesome and I like how my pee has that funny random color to it. Also in case you haven't noticed, I am a bit random. I just lay stuff out on the table like it's nothing. That could possibly come from the fact of having 5 brothers and being the only girl. I'm right smack dab in the middle of that nonsense too. I used to hate the color pink and now it's my favorite color. Everything pink. It's almost a disease. Hi I'm my name is Rayne and I'm a pinkaholic. I can almost hear the monotone voices echo in the huge room with only a few people... "Hi Rayne" Speaking of which, my middle name is Rayne, but that is what I like to be called when it's out on the Internet like this. Also, hello, my mom totally rocks... Rayne. That's an awesome name. I used to ask her why she didn't just name me that, but her response was never good enough for me to remember. I love drag racing.... that isn't almost a disease, it is one for me. I honestly love to sit and watch drag racing and I do that a lot.
So I'm sitting at work right now, and today is not necessarily busy, but I have a lot to do. Mostly I have a lot to do with my personal life, but that is for another blog on another day. I just have one thing to say... People are only as good as they want to be. You can never change someone who doesn't want to be changed. That is the truth.
Little things about me are.... I love coffee. I honestly think that coffee should come in IV form. Just stick it in me, take out the drinking process. I also like energy drinks, mostly because I think they taste awesome and I like how my pee has that funny random color to it. Also in case you haven't noticed, I am a bit random. I just lay stuff out on the table like it's nothing. That could possibly come from the fact of having 5 brothers and being the only girl. I'm right smack dab in the middle of that nonsense too. I used to hate the color pink and now it's my favorite color. Everything pink. It's almost a disease. Hi I'm my name is Rayne and I'm a pinkaholic. I can almost hear the monotone voices echo in the huge room with only a few people... "Hi Rayne" Speaking of which, my middle name is Rayne, but that is what I like to be called when it's out on the Internet like this. Also, hello, my mom totally rocks... Rayne. That's an awesome name. I used to ask her why she didn't just name me that, but her response was never good enough for me to remember. I love drag racing.... that isn't almost a disease, it is one for me. I honestly love to sit and watch drag racing and I do that a lot.
So I'm sitting at work right now, and today is not necessarily busy, but I have a lot to do. Mostly I have a lot to do with my personal life, but that is for another blog on another day. I just have one thing to say... People are only as good as they want to be. You can never change someone who doesn't want to be changed. That is the truth.
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